The Day I Met The Queen
Navigating London And My Ongoing Anxiety
Killing A Member Of The Team
We Shall Break Records
A Bridge Between Worlds
The Mountain Climber
A Gut Feeling
The Mormon Conversion

Note to reader: I started penning this — at a guess — sometime in August 2020, when the first wave of the coronavirus had begun to die down here in the UK and there was a collective feeling, I think, of having been through the wringer. A few times. I rediscovered it — as I usually do — unfinished, and recognised that yes, this is the process. We write a few words, and then we leave them alone. For several months. Then we open up the document again and we re-read what we wrote and decide if it’s time to do something about them yet, or not. Well, it was time, so here they are, wafting through the digital airwaves like an aerosolized pathogen.

There are some things you just shouldn’t say, but unfortunately I am often at a loss to know what they are until after they’ve been said.

As of the last official update, we were down to 15 deaths a day, which is proof, hopefully, that we now have COVID-19 under control (as the new government slogan would have it) and soon, the lockdown will have ended and we can all get back to some sort of relative normality without having to remain alert. This presumably means that we can all resume our aimless wandering while transfixed by our handheld rectangular screens of doom. There’s the real pandemic. Coronavirus might get you, but guess what? You’re dead already. Just continue curating an online version of yourself until you expire.

Until then, we would have to remain indoors, trying not to kill each other.

Last night during an ad break, I turned to my wife and suggested we convert to fundamentalist Mormon, move out to Utah and embrace polygamy.

I could blame this temporary abandonment of senses, unconvincingly, on Covid, but my absence of emotional intelligence would, I’m certain, supersede any perceived malevolence of certain microbes.

I feel it’s important to mention that there had been a segment about it on television, I hadn’t just plucked that one out of my arsenal of insensitivity, but there it was, a thing I shouldn’t have said, but did.

I was left alone to “think about my new wives” and that’s how I knew I shouldn’t have said it.

The ABC’s Of Parenting
The Opposite Of Headhunting